1:1
Dear Mom and Dad,
You who have waited many moons for updates,
I bring glad tidings:
Thy son hath acquired… a job.
1:2
Now I had been partaking in the ministry of free breakfasts,
daily receiving beans not fried by my own hand,
and toast delivered without toil.
1:3
And on the seventh day (or maybe it was Tuesday),
a volunteer did begin to stack chairs.
1:4
Moved by curiosity (and maybe guilt),
I saith unto her, “Do you always do this alone?”
She nodded.
And so I joined her in the Great Stacking.
1:5
Then came Johana, high priestess of the Multi-Purpose Room,
wielding in her left hand a spray bottle,
and in her right, a rag of righteousness.
1:6
She looked upon me and saw that I was idle no longer.
So she bestowed unto me both tools and said,
“Go ye therefore, and wipe down the chairs.”
And so I went forth in the Great Unstacking.
1:7
So I sprayed with fervor.
I wiped like one possessed.
I cleansed all 40 chairs of their mysterious stickiness.
1:8
Then Johana returned and spake,
“Now, find the largest broom in the land.”
1:9
So I did journey into the back room,
and lo, I found it,
a broom with bristles wide enough to part the Red Sea of crumbs.
1:10
Together we swept the entire floor,
banishing dust mites and ancient tortilla chips
into the outer darkness (i.e., the bin).
1:11
But still Johana was not done.
She looked upon the clean floor and said,
“We also mop.”
1:12
And behold, a mop was placed in my hand.
And with holy conviction,
I baptized the tiles in lavender-scented justice.
1:13
Then Johana saith,
“This is your job now. You work here.”
1:14
And I replied, “Wait… what?”
But there was no turning back.
1:15
And thus I was employed
not by résumé, nor interview,
but by showing up,
stacking chairs,
and saying yes.
1:16
Lo, there are also spam sandwiches,
and whispers of leftovers that may yet be sent home in plastic wrap.
1:17
So worry not, for I labor among kind folk,
with high hopes and clean floors.
Without pay...but
With love, gratitude and mild confusion,
Your son,