One of my first blog posts.

I wanted to share this again for anybody listening. If you pay attention, the answers are always right in front of you.

How to Give A Full Apology (Without Sounding Like a Jerk)

Dalton Noah Bristow  June 02, 2025

CLICK HERE FOR FREE APOLOGY SURVIVAL KIT

Preface

This post is part of a larger journey:

Project INVICTUS: Find Me Unafraid of Growing with My Child.

Why Invictus?

Because it means unconquered, and it’s borrowed from William Ernest Henley’s poem about resilience and self-mastery. And it is currently serving as the screen saver on my phone. 

The poem ends:

“I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.”

Henley wasn’t talking about never struggling, he was talking about staying unconquered where it matters most: inside.

That’s what this project stands for.

• First, child development isn’t just about the child, it shapes the future of society.
• Second, there’s no greater call to personal growth than becoming a parent.
• Third, parents will miss the mark, but only if they notice they’re holding the bow backwards.

This guide was built with a simple mission:

• To offer insight into what kids are learning at different stages.
• To give real, practical ways to reinforce good behavior, and what to do (and not do) when they miss the mark.
• To encourage self-reflection for anyone who wants to show up better, not just for their kids, but for themselves.

How to Give a Full Apology (Without Making It Weird)

Let’s be honest:

An apology shouldn’t feel like you're auditioning for an Oscar.

It’s not a performance. It’s a bridge, back to trust, connection, and not getting side-eyed across the dinner table.

But here’s where it gets tricky:

A lot of adult apologies are just ego in a trench coat.

🚩 Phrases to Avoid (Seriously, Just Don’t)

• “I’m sorry you feel that way.” (Translation: That sounds like a you problem.)
• “I’m sorry if…” (I’m not really sure I did anything wrong but okay.)
• “I’m sorry but…” (Here’s why it’s actually YOUR fault.)
• “I’m sorry you think I…” (Am I apologizing or gaslighting you? Both?)

These aren’t real apologies. They’re emotional dodgeballs.

🧭 Better Questions to Ask Yourself

• What are they really trying to tell me?
• What do they need to feel safe, seen, or just less mad about the broken LEGO tower?

✅ The 4-Step “No Ego” Apology Formula

Step 1: Own the Action

"I’m sorry I raised my voice when you were trying to explain."

Step 2: Acknowledge the Impact

"That probably made you feel unsafe or like your words didn’t matter."

Step 3: Commit to Doing Better

"Next time, I’m going to pause and listen before reacting."

Step 4: Reaffirm Care and Responsibility

"I care about you and I’m going to work on showing it better, not just say it."

⚖️ Golden Rule of Apologies

If you say “I felt” more than once,

congrats, your apology is now a diary entry.

Focus on them, not how uncomfortable you are.

🛡️ One Little Caveat

If your gut’s throwing a red flag, listen to it.

It’s your internal referee reminding you to keep it real.

Pro-Level Parenting Hack

If you can explain your apology with a you statement, 

like:

“You were hurt when I said X.”

“You needed to know I had your back.”

you’re winning.

❗Important (and Slightly Painful) Notes

• Don’t make your apology a performance review. (“I said sorry, why aren't you clapping?” is not how trust works.)
• Don’t flood the room with guilt.
•  Kids don’t want to carry your emotional baggage. They just want to know they can trust you.

You can be vulnerable without crumbling like a dollar-store cookie.

That’s the kind of strength they (And most people) actually look up to.

💬 But What If They Don’t Accept It?

That’s fine.

You’re not handing out coupons for instant forgiveness.

You’re showing up, consistently, patiently, one honest moment at a time.

🏗️ Why This Actually Matters

When you apologize well, you teach your child:

• How to fix relationships.
• That taking responsibility isn’t scary.
• That love includes accountability.
• That their voice matters, even if it’s small and squeaky.

When you do it badly, you accidentally teach them:

• To swallow hurt to keep others comfortable.
• That being right matters more than being real.
• That emotional safety is a maybe, not a promise.

Bottom Line

A real apology isn’t about being forgiven.

It’s about being someone worth trusting again, and again, and again.

A Personal Note

Soon, I’ll be getting Invictus tattooed, on my chest or forearm.

Not as a trophy. Not as a banner of perfection.

But as a reminder:

Stay open. Stay steady. Stay willing to grow, even when it’s uncomfortable.

For me.

For my child.

For the person I’m still becoming.

Unconquered. Always becoming.

With great admiration,

CLICK HERE FOR FREE APOLOGY SURVIVAL KIT