Today, I read an email from one of the authors I subscribe to. I can’t tell you her name because I get so many newsletters, I forget. Anyways, she talked about having anxiety all her life, how she feels better working from home, which is her sanctuary, how she is focusing on self-care and trying to not watch the news or be on social media too much. I related to her so much, it made me feel a lot better about my life. I consider myself disabled, retired, “working” from home; and while those are all true, I’ve been focusing on escaping reality. It’s only the second day of March and I’ve read I think 60+ books! Books are a great way to escape, especially when I like staying at home.
Audiobooks have changed my life! I get to do other things while I listen. Mostly, new and creative forms of escapism i.e. scrapbooking and coloring. It relaxes me so much! It’s good to have hobbies and luckily I have access to a colored printer. It’s just not available all the time, which makes me want to get my own. My sister has a little one and mentioned she would give it to me, so I’m looking forward to that. Earlier today and last night, I did some online shopping for more scrapbook supplies. I got stickers, scrapbook paper, new colored pencils and a new coloring book. Well, that’s not supplies, I just needed a new coloring book and chose a bookish themed one. Looking forward to all of that!
What I’m not looking forward to is my doctor’s appointment tomorrow. It’s to rate how well the Lyrica has been helping my pain. It hasn’t. I’m afraid my doctor is going to think I want pain killers, but they actually make me nauseous and vomit! So, I really would like Lyrica to work! I would also like to hear her say I have fibromyalgia. I know I’ve diagnosed myself, but it runs in my family, and I have a variety of symptoms like hella pain and fatigue. I think she believes me that I feel all those things, but I honestly can’t recall her actually admitting that I have it. It would make me feel better having that confirmed but it’s such a difficult thing to diagnose. Fortunately, my endometriosis hasn’t been too bad, as the pain only comes when I walk too far or, even sometimes, take a shower. I just lay down and eventually it goes away. The body pain doesn’t.
That’s my physical health update. My mental health update is.. I’m still in mourning. Losing my Mom last Fall was hard and every now and then I miss her, but I also remember how she wasn’t the best Mom. Think I can finally write that book about the emotional, traumatic abuse I suffered. But happy thoughts. Although, four months to the day of her passing, my Great-Aunt Esther died. She was like everyone’s Grandmother, her and her sister, my Tata Maria. In my family we call our great-aunts Tata. Now there are only two left. Then again, I’m a Tata. I just haven’t met my grand nieces and nephews. Back to Esther. We were close when I was younger, and then during my early adulthood, she just became mean and unsupportive of me, but long story short, a couple of years ago she apologized for it!
I never in a hundred years would have expected that but I explained to her that it's ok! Not having her support during that time of my life made me stronger and I wouldn't be where and who I am if I didn’t go through all of that. And then we became close again. I’ve listened to her complain and cry and let her just be and I think she appreciated that. So, I’m glad I got to have that time with her. The last thing we talked about was me not wanting to spend the holidays with the family and I told her and Maria that without my Mom, I really don’t want to be around family. She just nodded her head and said I understand. Those two words have so much power behind them because a lot of us feel misunderstood. I constantly feel misunderstood but I accept and like who I am. Fuck the haters, right?
So now, I spend my time home alone, reading or listening to books, coloring or scrapbooking.. my Agatha Christie scrapbook is coming out so dope! I want to make scrapbooks of some of my favorite authors, the next being Chelle Bliss. I have all her ebooks and now I’m collecting the paperbacks. Do I need them? No. Absolutely not. Do I want and fucking deserve them? Damn right I do! I bought a bookcase last month and I already need another one! Maybe I’ll get one with drawers so I can put my scrapbook crap in one place that’s not just my desk. Speaking of my desk.. No, I have not been writing. Escaping reality, remember? I mean, writing is a great way to escape but I’m always so tired y’all! I just do what I can.
And that’s it. We are in the 3rd Month of 2025. The world is literally a dumpster fire! Especially the US, which is why I keep my head in the sand. Although, I do pay attention to some stuff, damn social media always has political posts and some I can’t ignore. I’m just glad I’m not depressed or too anxious. Yay medication!! That’s my shit!! Some help, some don't but I'm blessed enough to have doctors and health insurance so they can figure out a way to keep me healthy-ish. And me? I have my books, movies, tv, coloring, scrapbooking etc. as my self-care regime. Also, buying books and having book subscriptions. They make me so happy!
Until next time, stay safe, my Loves and take care of yourselves! Find a hobby or expand the one you already have! Whatever makes you happy! As long as it’s legal. Sending love and light to all!
XO T 💜