Hello my Lovely Loves! Yes, I know I haven't blogged much this year, but to be fair, I haven't written much at all! This is the first year since 2018 where I didn't write or self-publish any books. It's been a stressful year, so I just read and read and read! I've read over 400 books this year; this includes novels, novellas and short stories, so it's not as impressive as it seems, in my opinion. Some books were only 16 pages!
Why did I bury myself in books this year? Well, I was stressed out! I had to take care of my mother Nancy, who was chronically ill with kidney and heart failure. Notice, I said was. She passed away on September 21st 2024. As much as I tried to help her, she didn't help herself and essentially wanted to die. Not something I was happy with, but I prepared myself for it.
Can you really prepare yourself for a parent's death? Yes and no. I wasn't ready for her to go, but she was. And honestly, she wasn't the best mother. Some mothers weren't meant to be mom's, but she was mine. I miss her but I'm also happy she's not in pain anymore and at peace with her parents, brother and my sister Alexis. I actually had a conversation with my her about it, she asked me when she went to Heaven, would she see Alexis? I said yes. That's when I undoubtedly knew, she was ready to die.
Now, she's ashes, divided between me and my sister Elaina, who ironically, I've gotten closer with. Our relationship was always tenuous at best. We love each other but she's my older sister by 7 and a half years, so we had our differences. Yet, at this point, we only have each other. I mean, I have a huge family, but when it comes to immediate family, it's just me and her, her husband and their kids. Still, I don't like to travel (they live in Tennessee) so haven't spent much time with them lately. I hope to change that in the new year. I just have to get over my fear, anxiety and general uncomfortableness of being around people.
Speaking of the new year, I am getting back into my writing mode. I have a lot of works in progress (WIP’s) to complete and I also want to make them readily available on this website. I love Amazon but the royalties are pretty low. Here, PayHip gets a small percentage and the rest of the money goes to my PayPal account. I have free creative licence here as well, and I'll be able to share my more taboo writing that isn't allowed on Amazon. It's pretty dope! I will also be participating in two book challenges, one is an Agatha Christie monthly challenge and another, I found on Facebook by a page called The Book Girls Guide. Organized reading? I'm pretty excited! I completed my reading goal this year, so I'm looking forward to new challenges!
As for my health, my chronic illnesses have.. not exactly gotten worse but they're progressing I guess you could say? Doctor's have decided I don't have endometriosis because a recent MRI didn't show any, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. I still have abdominal pain when I am active, like heavy lifting, cleaning and walking too far. Maybe it isn't Endo, I have a new appointment to a GI doctor next month. Hopefully they can diagnose me better. My fibromyalgia leaves me in pain and with chronic fatigue. Like tired!! I'm always tired and never feel rested no matter how much sleep I have. It's exhausting being exhausted all the time!
I still have a psychiatrist I see monthly, although since my Mother's death, I had biweekly appointments, but we're going back to monthly next month. Hopefully the mental health outpatient clinic I go to will find me a therapist I'll be able to see weekly. It's good to have someone to talk to, help me with my anxiety, sadness and fears. There are social workers on site where I live, because these brownstone apartments specialize in having disabled, mentally ill, former addicts and former homeless people residents. I am all four and I'm grateful to have someone to talk to so close by.
Well, I think that's all I have to say for now. I'll try to be more active here writing blogs weekly, biweekly or monthly. I haven't decided yet. I just know I want to be more organized and somewhat “professional” in the writing community. So many of my fellow authors that I follow on social media, constantly inspire me to be a better writer. They also provide me with an amazing support system! Sometimes strangers become friends and family, even if you've never met them in person. In the meantime, I pray everyone has a fantastic New Year's!
Stay safe, my Loves and take care of yourselves! Until 2025..
XO T 💜