Ah, we are reaching the end of the first month of 2025. How are those resolutions going? I’ve been doing as well as I can, although I have not been writing as much as I wanted to. It’s not an excuse, but I have had another death in my family, this time my Great-Aunt Esther, who was like a Grandmother to me after my own Grandmother’s death. They were sisters. She passed away last Tuesday, on the 4 month anniversary of my Mother’s own passing, so that got to me and I have been trying really hard not to get depressed. You know what has been helping me? Books! My reading challenges. I’ve added a few more, so it’s been keeping my mind preoccupied. Thankfully.
But no, I haven’t been writing like I wanted to. I don’t have the energy or I’m in pain, but I am determined to not let fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue slow me down. Although, they literally slow me down. If I was able to read over 20 books this month, even if a few were audiobooks, I can write at least once a week. As for blogging, it looks like I’m doing it biweekly. That is if I can remember. Today, I did and I’m a bit stiff and my hands hurt a little but here I am, typing my ass off! Just need to stay focused, so I can continue to keep your interest. Am I keeping your interest at all? I shall see after I post this.
If you follow me on social media, you would know that I have become super obsessed with Agatha Christie, Murder, She Wrote and MM Romances! Murder mysteries and gay smut are two of my favorite reading tropes! Nevertheless, the reading challenges are taking me out of my comfort zone and I’m reading things I normally wouldn’t. Surprisingly, they’ve been good books. Last blog, I mentioned reading The Book Swap by Tessa Bickers and it was so good! I rarely read a romance book without smutty smut smut, and this book had none. Nada. Zip. I still recommend it because it's a friends to enemies to lovers trope, with anonymous notes and lots of classic books involved. Reading it will definitely want to make you add to your TBR. I’ve also read a bunch more, which I think I will list at the end of this, so you can see how I’ve been keeping myself busy!
I’m like, in 6 reading challenges now, I think? And I am crushing it! I will probably complete the yearly ones in the next few months, but there are others where I have to wait every month for them to give us the book choices to read. I’m involved in the adjoining book groups on Facebook, another thing I mentioned in my last blog. Last week, I shared with them that I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and because of that it’s been difficult for me to read. But, I found free audiobooks on YouTube and the library! That post was pretty popular and one of the group members even thanked me for creating a community within a community! Maybe I could make my own group for disabled readers and writers. A safe place where we can talk about our struggles without feeling like we may be judged. That’s my issue, I always feel that I may be judged and that I sound like I’m complaining.
Yet, that's my life! Reading, writing and succumbing to all the difficulties and obstacles of being disabled. Chronic and mental illnesses abound! Super fun! I’m lucky though. I have amazing followers and friends on Facebook. They have become a genuine support system for me that I am afraid of relying on. Though I do. I’m not close to my family, and now that one of my favorite Aunt’s has passed, I feel even more of a distance. I told myself that after my mother died, I would only look out for my two great aunts, Esther and Maria. Now it’ll just be Maria I check on to make sure she’s ok. These two aunts understood/understand me like no one else! I do have other aunts and I love them dearly, but they have their own kids and grandkids. I’m not a part of that.
I’ve always felt like an outsider in my own family. I even remember asking my mother if I was adopted. I was like 8 years old and she said, “Look in the mirror, you have my face,” or something to that effect. And it’s true, I do look like Nancy. Freaks me out sometimes, even though there are definite distinguishable differences. For one, my skin tone is a shade darker, my hair is thick curls compared to her straight hair and I am much taller than her. Or was much taller. She’s ashes now, in a box next to my TV and her elephant collection. Two things she loved. Right, going back to how I felt like an outsider. I just never felt comfortable around my family and I prefer to be alone. I think it stems from being neglected in my childhood and no one helping me in my young adulthood when I was homeless and on dialysis.
Perhaps it’s hypervigilance, but I just prefer to be alone. I have my sister Elaina, and we have become so much closer since our mother died. It still takes some getting used to because we used to argue a lot. Although now, I’m too tired to argue and much calmer. Illness and medications have some neat advantages. Anyways, I love and care about her wellbeing too, but I know she’ll be ok because she has a great husband that loves and takes good care of her. I think she thinks she has to take care of me now, but we’re in two different states and I am not a fan of traveling. Or being around people. My home is my comfort zone where I feel safe. I didn't feel safe in my family. I always felt like I wasn’t important and that no one cared. Now, if I see that they do care, I can still feel in my heart a distance. I don’t know what's wrong with me.
I’m not going to feel guilty though and if any of my family does read this, please forgive me. You see how I am and I thank you so much for accepting me this way! I’m middle aged now and I am really not trying to make any drastic changes with my personality or lifestyle. I’m a sick woman who loves to read, write and watch tv and movies from the safety of her home, surrounded by books, notebooks and DVD’s. I’m good! I don’t even think about wanting to be in a relationship anymore. I’m terrified of falling in love! I feel I am not good enough and the older and sicker I get, the more that feels true. It comes from my ex calling me a burden many years ago. That stayed with me and I don’t want to be anyone's burden. I can take care of myself by utilizing the resources given to me. It’s how I’ve survived this long.
Ok, I think I’ve rambled enough. Today, if I'm not too tired after writing and editing this, I am going to look over my taboo story, read a little and watch some Miss Marple or something. Or Scandal. I am super late to the party with that show, it’s really good! And I’ll be here. Or rather, on social media, if you want to know more about what I am doing day to day. It involves a lot of memes and talking about how tired and in pain I'm in. But before I go, I want to share the Book Challenges/Clubs I'm in and the *updated list of books I have read so far, that is if you’re interested. You can skip this part if you want to, but if not, the italicized books are the ones read so far:
Agatha Christie Book Club
January: Five Little Pigs
February: The 13 Problems
March: The Body in the Library
April: The Murder of Roger Ackroyd
May: The ABC Murders
June: Crooked House
July: Death in the Clouds
August: And Then There Were None
September: The Murder at the Vicarage
October: The Witness to the Prosecution
November: The Big Four
December: The Man in the Brown Suit
Book Girls Guide Club
January: The Book Swap by Tessa Bickers
February: The Body in the Bookstore by Ellie Alexander
March: By The Book by Jasmine Guillory
April:
May:
June:
July:
August:
September:
October:
November:
December:
BGGC Winter Mini Challenge
Winter Mini Challenge (Complete)
❄️Book Set in Winter: Five Winters by Kitty Johnson
❄️Winter Holiday: Royal Holiday by Jasmine Guillory
❄️New Year's Eve Book: The Second Chance Year by Melissa Weisner
❄️Winter Mystery or Thriller: Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie
...
Spring Mini Challenge (Complete)
🌺 A Book Featuring Bees: The Beekeepers Cottage by Emma Davies
🌺 A Book Featuring a Garden: Lease on Love by Falon Ballard
🌺 A Book with Spring Vibes: Murder at the Spring Ball by Benedict Brown
...
Summer Challenge
⛱️Read a Book about a Swimmer: Tweet Cute by Emma Lord
⛱️Read a Book with a Summer 2024 Olympic Tie-in: Seven Nights in Paris by Tasmina Perry
⛱️Read a Book Set at a Lake or on an Island: And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie
⛱️Read a Summer Book from Your Favorite Genre: The Queen of Sugar Hill by ReShonda Tate
⛱️Read a Book Set in a Location You’d Love to Visit: Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys
⛱️Read a Book that Takes You on a Road Trip: The Road Trip by Beth O'Leary
...
Fall Mini Reading Challenge
🍁A Book with Fall Vibes: Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore by Matthew J. Sullivan
🍁Friends and Family: The Lonely Hearts Book Club by Lucy Gilmore
🍁A Book about Education: Schooled by Ted Fox
🍁Knitting, Crocheting, or Quilting: Home by Toni Morrison
...
Halloween Mini Reading Challenge
🎃Mystery or Thriller: Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone (Ernest Cunningham #1) by Benjamin Stevenson
🎃A Halloween Romance: In Her Pumpkin Patch (Svensson Brothers #3) by Alina Jacobs
🎃A Halloween Cozy Mystery: The Spook in the Stacks (Lighthouse Library Mystery #4) by Eva Gates
...
Christmas Mini Reading Challenge
🎄Book Club Worthy Christmas Read: Hercule Poirot’s Christmas by Agatha Christie
🎄Book that Became a Hallmark Movie: Hope at Christmas by Nancy Naigle
🎄A Christmas Cozy Mystery or Thriller: The Most Wonderful Crime of the Year by Ally Carter
🎄A Book Set Around New Year’s: The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley
...
Christmas Mini Reading Challenge 2024
🎁Somewhere to Visit: Christmas in Spite of You by K.C. Mills
🎁Set in the Past: Jane and the Twelve Days of Christmas (Jane Austen Mysteries #12) by Stephanie Barron
🎁Magical or Mysterious Christmas Novel: Everyone This Christmas Has a Secret by Benjamin Stevenson
...
ICYMI Challenge (Books from 2013-2024)
2013: A Hundred Summers
2014: To All The Boys I Loved Before
2015: Happiness for Beginners
2016: The Hating Game
2017: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
2018: Love & Other Words
2019: The Unhoneymooners
2020: Boyfriend Material
2021: The Charm Offensive
2022: The Housemaid #1
2023: Yellow Face
2024:
Bonus 2012: Where'd You Go Bernadette
he 52 Books Club {Prompt-Title-Author}
1. A Pun in the Title: Monster, She Wrote: The Women Who Pioneered Horror and Speculative Fiction by Lisa Kröger & Melanie R. Anderson
2. A Character With Red Hair: Surrendered Hearts by Nina Levine
3. Title Starts with “M”: Murder in the Mews by Agatha Christie
4. Title Starts with “N”: Never Too Close by Chelle Bliss
5. Plot Includes a Heist:The Jewel Robbery at the Grand Metropolitan by Agatha Christie
6. Genre One, Set in Spring: 1984 by Orson Welles
7. Genre Two, Set in Summer: A Murder in the Movies by Ellie Alexander
8. Genre Three, Set in Fall: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
9. Genre Four, Set in Winter: The Second Chance Year by Melissa Weisner
10. Author’s Last Name is Also a First Name: The Seven a Husbands of a Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid
11. A Prequel: Redeeming Bosley by Sammi Cee
12. Has a Moon on the Cover: Hallowe’en Party by Agatha Christie
13. Title is Less Than 10 Letters: Dark Angel by Sadie Kincaid
14. Climate Fiction: Tentacle by Rita Indiana
15. Includes Latin American History: Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquival
16. Author has Won an Edgar Award: Carrie by Stephen King
17. Told in Verse: For Colored Girls.. By Ntozake Shange
18. A Character Who Can Fly: Peter Darling by Austin Chant
19. Has Short Chapters: How to Kill Men and Get Away with It by Katy Brent
20. A Fairytale Retelling: Unbound Midnight by Amanda Austen
21. Character’s Name in the Title: The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie
22. Found Family Trope: XOXO: Roosevelt College #1 by Christina Lee
23. A Sprayed Edge: Phantasma by Kaylie Smith
24. Title is a Spoiler: Death Comes As The End by Agatha Christie
25. Breaks The Fourth Wall: You've Been Summoned by Lindsey Lamar
26.More Than A Million Copies Sold: The Murder at the Vicarage by Agatha Christie
27. Features a Magician: The Magician's Secret (Nancy Drew's Diaries) by Carolyn Keene
28. A Crossover (Set in a Shared Universe): The Deals We Make by Scarlett Cole
29. Shares Universe with 28: The Grief We Hold by Scarlett Cole
30. In the Public Domain: The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie
31. Audiobook has Multiple Narrators: Broken Hearts by Chelle Bliss
32. Includes a Diary Entry: Canadian Boyfriend by Jenny Holiday
33. A Standalone Novel: The House of Secrets by Michelle Powers
34. Direction in the Title: Evil Under The Sun by Agatha Christie
35. Written in Third Person: Five Little Pigs by Agatha Christie
36. Final Sentence is Less Than 6 Words Long: Look Up, Handsome by Jack Strange
37. Genre Chosen for you by Someone Else (Romantasy): The Never King by Nikki St. Crowe
38. An Adventure Story: The Man in the Brown Suit by Agatha Christie
39. Has an Epigraph: Fall into You by Georgina Keirsten
40. Stream of Consciousness Narrative: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
41. Cover Front is a Primary Color: Happiness for Beginners by Katherine Center
42. Non-Human Antagonist: The Dark One by Nikki St. Crowe
43. Explores Social Class: The Body in the Library by Agatha Christie
44. A Celebrity on the Cover: The Life and Times of Miss Jane Marple by Anne Hart
45. Author Releases More Than One Book a Year: Never Too Much by Chelle Bliss
46. Read in a “-ber” Month (October): Fear Street: Cheerleaders, the 1st Evil by R.L. Stine
47. “I Think It Was Blue”: The Proposal by Jasmine Guillory
48. Related to the word “Puzzle”: The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
49. Set in a Country With An Active Volcano (New Zealand): First
Impressions by Jay Hogan
50. Set in the 1940’s: One, Two Buckle My Shoe by Agatha Christie
51. 300-400 Pages Long: The Housemaid #1 by Freida McFadden
52. Published in 2025: Cherry Auction by Stasia Black
I know, I know, that’s A LOT of fucking books! But they make me feel better. Books are my happy place. My safe place. My escape of reality, because you gotta admit, reality sucks right now! The world is extra scary right now and I’m praying for the safety of the disadvantaged and underprivileged citizens of America. The 1% is really trying to control everything but I know we are a strong nation and we will fight back. Sorry, I didn't mean to get political.
Until next time, stay safe, my Loves and take care of yourselves! Sending love and light to all!
XO T 💜