Life hasn’t been easy. Between navigating past abuse. I’ve had a gun to my head, been spit on, gotten black eyes, mother wounds, anxiety, trauma, losing my dad so young, supporting my son through his diagnosis this year, building a business while homeschooling him alone, and challenges in my love life, some days it feels impossible. Add financial struggles and doing it all with no help from my family or my son’s dad, and you can see why some days feel unbearable.
My son’s dad was very abusive. I had no idea he had mental health issues. He had Bipolar and a nervous condition. I just knew something was off. He would get so angry at me over the smallest things, and it grew darker as time went on. Even when he was alive, he never helped and on the day he took his last breath, he threatened me. This was my high school sweetheart, the one I thought I’d be with, and I was young. I just didn’t know better.
Now, seeing some of the same behaviors in my son this year has been terrifying. I never though my baby would have to deal with the same issue passed down in genetics. It’s heartbreaking as a mother to want to protect him, to nurture him, and still face reminders of the man who hurt me so deeply. It goes to show how deep generational patterns can run through bloodlines, repeating themselves in ways we don’t always recognize until we’re face to face with them. Some days I feel like I’m fighting battles no one else can see, but I keep showing up for him and for me. No family call me or check on us. Its really just me figuring it all out.
People see my smile, but they don’t know my story. I smile because I deserve it. I’ve cried so much that I earned it. I’ve been through hell and back. I’m even grieving a mother who’s still here, navigating the complexities of unresolved pain while trying to love fully. I feel like I’ve been attracting people like my mother into my life because a part of me craves her connection. She is a Bipolar narcissist, and it’s been an ongoing pattern. Even sharing this now is not half of what I’ve been through.
I don’t share my story often because when I have, people made me feel like it didn’t matter. This time, I am sharing it for release for myself and for anyone in this community who may be navigating mental health challenges, abuse, or complex family dynamics. You are not alone, and your story matters.
Here’s what I’ve learned: everything is drawn to light even shadow. Healing isn’t about ignoring the darkness. It’s about facing it, sitting with it, and allowing it to transform into wisdom. Sometimes we are placed in difficult situations to show others it's possible to still move forward.
And the truth is, I am still going through challenges, yet I keep going. Every day I choose to survive, to rise, to love myself, give myself grace and to heal. Healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when it’s messy. It’s about giving yourself permission to rest, cry, create, and grow. Every ritual I do, every page I write in my journals, every meditation I lead...it’s all a reminder that self-care is survival, self-love is medicine, and your story is your power.
My journey is not just about me. My tests are my testimony to help the next person know they can make it through, too.
I am still writing my story, and I want to share with you the tools that helped me:
- Mini Course (FREE!): Go at your own pace, revisit anytime, and access a lifetime of guidance.
- $10 eBooks: Packed with rituals, affirmations, and holistic self-care practices I’ve used in real life.
- Rituals & Practices: Meditation, journaling, and heart-centered exercises that heal, nourish, and empower. This shit really keep me sane through all this. That's why I go so hard for advocating for it. It saves me every single day.
My journey isn’t just about me, it’s about the collective. Every tool, every lesson, every story is here to uplift you, to remind you that even through the bullshit, the pain, and the chaos, you can rise, heal, and thrive. Gratitude for reading!
💚 If you’re ready to pour into yourself, start today. Your heart, mind, and spirit deserve it. From my heart to yours.
Love Caniesha