I found myself in a church service crying my eyes out. I couldn’t stop crying. Of course, I was trying to cry discreetly - so that the congregants don’t start wondering what on earth is wrong with their pastor - but I was inconsolable. I was looking at my life and wondering what I had done wrong. Hadn’t I listened to God and obeyed His Voice every step of the way? Why is my life in shambles? Nothing seems to be working out in any corner. My business is not picking up after two years. My books don’t seem to be selling. The countless jobs I apply for end up in rejections. Relationships that show promise fizzle out even before they begin. Why, oh why is this the state of my life? I remember sitting there and feeling broken, hopeless and helpless.
In the evening of that day, I sat in my room, once again dejected. The words that escaped my lips were no different than those who desperately sought Jesus’ in His day. In my misery, I cried out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! Plead my case! Remove my shame and reproach!” Indeed I was feeling like my life was a shame. Where were the lofty goals I had set for myself? Why had they been left on the paper unachieved? Despite all the advantages I had, my life appeared to be in a limbo of zero progress.
My thoughts then went to the prayer Hannah made to God in the Temple. She called out to Jehovah Sabaoth - the Lord of Hosts, God the Warrior - to fight for her and grant her request; to take away her shame and reproach (1 Samuel 1:11). I quickly found myself also calling upon Jehovah Sabaoth. I found myself desperately pleading with Him to fight for me. I found myself petitioning Him to do something about my situation. By this time, I didn’t care what He did; I just needed Him to do something.
Here is the interesting thing, the moment I laid it at the Feet of Jehovah Sabaoth, a strange calm came over me. I suddenly was at peace. Mark you, my situation had not changed, not in the slightest. Yet, a calm swept over my soul. Suddenly I was confident that because I had called on God to rescue me, I could sit back and relax knowing that He would!
Even more interesting is the fact that I saw God showing up as Jehovah Sabaoth in tangible ways the whole of the next week! He removed obstacles for me, He gave me favour in situations, and circumstances that could have overwhelmed me were made manageable. He truly showed up as Jehovah Sabaoth!
Astounding that the Sovereign One would condescend and personally showed up in my little life! It is a wonder that I asked for Jehovah Sabaoth to show up then get astonished when He does! What a lesson in surrender! Once I surrendered my broken dreams, my frustration and despondency to God, He gave me His peace that transcends all human understanding. To be sure, once in a while after that, I have found myself fretting over my life. Remember, my circumstance is still yet to change, however, I have the assurance that Jehovah Sabaoth is on the case. He is fighting for me and He will save me! Just as He granted Hannah’s petition for a child, He will also answer my petition for His glory and honour.
The Lord is a warrior, the Lord is his name. (Exodus 15:3)
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