God is more interested in our character than our comfort. I should know. For the past year, I have been in a situation that I would deem less than stellar. I am currently still in that situation mark you. The good Lord has not yet seen fit to extricate me from this crucible of torment. Okay, that might be a tad bit dramatic but I truly am in a situation that is stressful. I am constantly in the presence of an individual whose sole purpose seems to make my life miserable. They constantly do their best to push my buttons and get a rise out of me. When I confront the individual, they gas light me and make me seem like I am the insane one. I tried to be magnanimous at first. Tried to be understanding, tried to be the ‘turn the other cheek’ Christian until I realised that they delight in my misery. Their desire is to discombobulate me. It is a twisted mental game they are playing at the cost of my peace and sanity.
Worse yet, the individual is self-absorbed. Conceited might not do justice in describing their level of self-possession. They are snooty nosed and look down upon the rest of us dimwitted mortals. They think of no one but themselves. Everything is to be done at their convenience, to their liking without consideration of those around them. Eventually, I finally realised that my only worth to them is the service I give them. My only value is the convenience I provide for them.
At that point, I decided to speak up and not take things lying down. I raised my concerns when I did not agree with something. I said no when needed. I even exchanged words on an occasion or two - with all politeness and civility as could be mustered of course. However, to my horror, I realised that the more I confronted, the more incorrigible they became. The more outspoken I was, the more relentlessly unpleasant they were. They seemed unperturbed by the whole affair but ready to carry on the exchange to the bitter end. I soon realised that this method was unsustainable. I was the only one who was hyperventilating when they were carrying on with life as if nothing was a foot.
Stymied, I went to God grumbling. I have been begging God to take me out of this situation. I am not Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego willing to be left in the fire if God willed it. I want out and I want out now. But God will not be rushed; neither will He be bullied or cajoled. He is God! To make matters worse, I have no foreseeable exit either. Try as I might to escape, I am unable to. All doors seem closed - on purpose I might add.
Having whined and gripped to no avail, it dawns on me that God is in no hurry to rescue me. He does not delight in seeing me in pain. Far from it, but I have also learnt that hard circumstances are fertile soil for spiritual growth. Perhaps I am meant to acquire some Fruit of the Spirit here. After all, isn’t God in the business of transforming me into the Image and Likeness of His Son; His Son who always exuded the Fruit of the Spirit? As said in previous chapters, one learns patience best when dealing with an annoying co-worker. We learn of best in the midst of suffering. Peace is best learnt in the eye of a storm.
Aside from that, I realised that my prayers were so focused on God changing the other person instead of asking God to give me the grace and patience to bear this unpleasant individual. I never once thought that I needed to change in the equation. I never once thought that perhaps my attitude was less than godly. In fact, the more I thought about it, God showed me how I too needed an attitude adjustment. I too, at a point was operating from pride. What a painful blow. But that’s God for you. You pray for Him to transform the other person but He starts by transforming you first!
Has my situation changed? Not a mite. Is that individual still being a pill? You bet. However, I am choosing to allow God to use this situation to grow His Fruit in me. I am choosing to repent of the times when I act in pride and ask God to be more loving to this individual. Loving…tastes like vinegar coming out of my mouth but I am determined. I can do all things who Christ who strengthens me. At least that is what Paul says in his epistle to the Philippians in his fourth chapter and thirteenth verse. Here’s to learning more about what surrendering ones pain is.
Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. (Romans 5: 3-4)
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