Raise your hand if you have been told it is your fault that you are still single. Mine is raised in case you are wondering. I have been told that I am still single because I don’t smile enough, because I am too serious, because I am too outspoken, because I am too educated, because I am too ambitious, because I am too rigid, because I am too picky and the list can go on. Heck, someone even had the gall to tell me that I am still single because I speak too much English! Yes, I am still scratching my head on that one too.
Let’s face it, being single in your late thirties may as well be on the same plain as catching leprosy the way society treats us. Both are incurable, both are pariahs, and both are doomed to solitary lives. To be fair, there are some who are cool being single, they have no desire for marriage and that is fine. But the rest of us creatures constantly have to fight the stares, the silent whispers, the pity looks when maneuvering social gatherings.
Mark you being single in this day and age is hard. Everything is over sexualized. You can’t even watch an advert about cooking oil without it having a hint of sexuality in it. Then you have this sexually frustrated single person who is trying to be an obedient Christian and live in purity as God desires. The church never gives any practical advice on how to abstain yet expects purity. Those who talk about abstinence got married in their early twenties and thus cannot appreciate the frustrations of a single person approaching forty such as myself.
Aside from that, why is the focus so much on marriage. For a woman especially it really doesn’t matter ones accomplishments so long as they are unmarried. The last I checked, marriage is not a requirement for entrance into heaven neither does it qualify one to be a woman. Because that is another thing that single women in their thirties are subjected too. We are told that since we are not married, we are still girls. Really? The last I checked, marriage doesn’t make a girl a woman any more than it makes a boy a man. One becomes a woman or a man when they live as God designed them to live out their adult lives - period, exclamation point.
The unfortunate thing is that because of all this unnecessary pressure, some single people enter into unions of convenience out of desperation and live miserably ever after. There is already the internal pressure to enter the next phase of life. Single people really don’t need society to keep shoving it down their throats.
By the way, my singlehood is not for lack of trying. But like I said earlier, the almost relationships just never seem to take flight. I am so used to being ghosted right now that I should write a manual on how to deal with it. I am an adventurous sort, so aside from meeting people in events, I have been set up by friends and even tried a few dating apps. The dating apps were actually not as bad as I thought although like I said, nothing to write home about in terms of success. Don’t forget that we were in lock down for a whole year in 2020. So what were the chances of meeting someone and even if you did, they were wearing a mask and social distancing! So it’s kind of frustrating when people blame you for your singlehood yet they have no clue about your journey.
Anyhow, once I was able to take my eyes off the societal pressure, I was able to focus more clearly on God. I am His child. He has good plans for me. I have also come to find out that I cannot thwart His plans for me. Just ask Abraham and the whole Ishmael incident!
Marriage is the first institution that God made in the Garden of Eden. He is the One who has placed the desire in my heart. Therefore, can I not trust Him to guide me to my intended? Can I not trust Him at the appointed time to be found by my future husband? I mean, I am walking around with one of his ribs; he’s going to have to come get it at some point, right? Sooner or later, he’ll come knocking on my door. The last I checked, God said that it is not good for a man to be alone, so the guy is clearly in trouble until he finds me. Plus, when he finds me, he even obtains favour. More incentive for him to come find me! Thought I’d inject some Christian humour.
The point is I have learnt to surrender my desire for marriage to God. I have learnt to lean on God for patience through the tough times, to rely on His grace when I am sexually frustrated and to eat life with a big spoon in the meantime. Isn’t that what Jesus came to give us in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and may have it abundantly”.
I refuse to let the thief take away my joy in my period of singleness. This is a period to self-develop, to serve with undivided attention and paint the town red! This rib is going to enjoy her singleness to the hilt! I am a good thing and I am going to enjoy life as I wait to be found.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
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