There is always a moment in your life where you realize you have been settling for less, and you deserve more. Whether it be in your current job, a friendship, a relationship, your goals, your habits, whatever it may be, we have all had this moment (if not, you will).
These moments are funny because you will feel an internal shift, something will click, and you'll no longer resonate with who you were or what you were doing.
I had this moment with one of my exes (we will name him Mark for this story - no, that's not his name), no names will be mentioned, let me just tell you the story.
Mark & I had a wonderful relationship. We were communicative, understanding, we had fun together, lots of laughs, obviously a few bumps in the road, but nothing we couldn't fix through the characteristics I had mentioned above, the ones our relationship heavily relied on.
It was going great, we had an understanding that we were going to different levels with each other, we didn't party (barely), ate super healthy, Mark got heavy into investments, I got heavy into starting my business, and it felt like we were moving at a good & rapid pace together. He naturally was a provider, which is something I very much value in a man (I don't believe in 50/50).
In my life, especially with the moments I decided to turn my life around, it has been difficult to keep people in it because of the rapid pace I grow. I genuinely feel like a completely new person every month. One thing I promised myself when I was younger was that I would refuse to keep people in my life who are dragging me down. I can love you from a distance, but if you are not headed in the same direction as me, I can only walk with you up to a certain point.
During this relationship, I was also in school, super locked in. I was waking up at 5 am, meditating, gym, journaling, posting content, meal prep, getting all my school work done days/weeks in advance, healing, doing inner work, and unlearning old habits, daily. As you can see, I was really on my own journey. I started to raise my standards because my own personal standards rose. I stopped accepting low effort dates, low effort conversations, late responses, excuses, and my partner could see this elevation I was having & he started elevating with me... up to a point.
To this day, I'm not too sure of Mark's side of the story as it happened abruptly, but I will explain the point in my words of when I realized I needed to stop settling. I had asked Mark to communicate with me about something relating to his time. He would message me a couple of times at work throughout the day, even on his busiest days, which is something I value incredibly much. On the day after he had promised me to communicate with him better, he went the whole day without one word, which he has never done before. At first, I was worried about him, then I realized my standards were getting too much it was going to break this man. At the end of the day, I knew I was growing at a quicker rate than Mark could keep up with (all love). Sure enough, after our relationship, he snapped back into his old ways and old patterns, confirming my beliefs.
This is the "problem" with quantum leap-type expansions: people around you get very confused, & drained, trying to keep up with you.
I was sitting there, realizing what was happening (as this isn't the first time something like this has happened), and I had to make a conscious decision that this relationship was over. I was surely not settling for someone who had denied my boundary after promising; I was not lowering my new standard to match his comfort, so in that moment, the relationship was over in my mind.
If you're someone elevating at a rapid level, it may be hard to find & keep relationships in your life, but I will always choose my elevation over someone's comfort level.
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