Repair Before Resolution: A Nervous System–Informed EMDR Workbook for the Partner Who Cheated

When infidelity or a major boundary violation has occurred, many partners want clarity fast:

Should we stay or leave? Can this be fixed? Why can’t we just move on?

But when the nervous system is overwhelmed by shame, fear, defensiveness, or urgency, clear and responsible decision-making is not possible.

This workbook is designed specifically for the partner who cheated and wants to do the work without shutting down, rushing outcomes, or collapsing into shame.

What This Workbook Is

Repair Before Resolution is a nervous system–informed, EMDR-aligned workbook that helps you:

• Regulate shame, fear, and reactivity so you can stay present
• Understand how a relationship trust rupture impacts the nervous system
• Identify defensive and avoidant thinking patterns that interfere with repair
• Prepare effectively for EMDR sessions (including weekly sessions and intensives)
• Build the internal capacity needed for accountability, empathy, and consistency
• Slow decision-making so clarity emerges rather than being forced

This is not about excuses.

It is about capacity.

What This Workbook Is Not

This workbook is not:

• A guide on how to convince your partner to stay
• A forgiveness workbook
• A checklist to “earn” trust quickly
• A shortcut through consequences
• A guarantee of relationship outcomes

Instead, it supports the internal work required before meaningful repair or decisions can happen.

Who This Workbook Is For

This workbook is for you if:

• You are the partner who crossed a relational boundary
• You feel overwhelmed, defensive, shut down, or emotionally exhausted
• You want to show up differently but don’t know how to stay regulated
• You are preparing for EMDR therapy (weekly or intensive)
• You want to make decisions grounded in values—not panic or avoidance

This workbook is especially helpful for individuals working with a trauma-informed therapist or EMDR clinician.

What You’ll Learn and Practice

Inside this workbook, you’ll explore:

• How shame and fear disrupt the nervous system
• Why regulation is required for accountability
• Common protective thinking patterns that block repair
• How EMDR actually works (and what the “810 minutes” really means)
• How to prepare your body and mind before sessions
• How to slow urgency without disengaging
• How to stay present long enough for clarity to emerge

A Note on Healing and Decisions

This workbook does not rush resolution.

It supports you in becoming regulated enough to stay engaged, so that whatever decision comes next is made with integrity, steadiness, and responsibility—not survival mode.

About the Author

Dr. Monique Thompson, DHA, LPC, LPC-S is an EMDR-trained therapist with over 24 years of experience working with individuals and couples navigating infidelity, betrayal, and relational trauma. Her work integrates neuroscience, attachment theory, and trauma-informed care to support accountability without shame and repair without coercion.

Important Disclaimer

This workbook is an educational and therapeutic support tool. It is not a substitute for therapy. For best results, it is recommended that this workbook be used alongside a licensed mental health professional trained in EMDR or trauma-informed therapy.