Having a choice, is your choice.
Let that sink in.
This a practical expansion of my previous post about choice, because good advice is only good if there’s a practical application.
Let’s start with an easy one – text messages.
You know you don’t actually have to read it, right? Unless there is actual information in a message that you require, you don’t have to read the passive aggressive, rude, manipulative or otherwise unwanted message from the toxic ex, random coworker, abusive parent or other random individual.
Example: the toxic ex and co-parent loves to send horrible, mean, passive aggressive essays on WhatsApp. Unless that message has, somewhere in between the nonsensical garbage, actual information regarding arrangements for visitations or the welfare of the child, it doesn’t have to be read. It also doesn’t have to be acknowledged. And in the event where there is logistical information, only the logistical information needs to be addressed. The rest of the message – the personal insults, lies, reproaches and passive-aggressive quips – can be discarded.
It is your choice to read it, and it’s your choice to feel bad about it. If you don’t allow it to reach the inside of your brain, it doesn’t matter what he/she says, it cannot affect you.
It’s also your choice to dissect and discuss said messages afterwards with other people, continuing to allow the toxic person to affect you and your relationships with others.
Next up – social media & TV.
You choose the flow of information into your brain. So when you’re lounging on a Sunday afternoon doom scrolling on Instagram - how fast do you swipe when you see a video you’re not interested in?
And yet, we eagerly swallow videos about things that make us feel bad. We watch the news like a religion. We actively seek out things that make us sad, negative, depressed, shamed, and so on and so forth.
Why? Unless something is positive or constructive, I don’t let it into my head. Because I don’t need to. Nowhere does it say I have to listen to someone telling me how to live my life, unless it’s something positive and good. Nowhere does it say I have to spend every waking minute following the latest catastrophe on the news. (I personally get my news from shitposters and memes. It’s not censored and while there are inaccuracies, it’s way more accurate that whatever is concocted by the psy-ops division to be put on the six o’ clock broadcast.)
The system is designed to make you docile, it’s designed to make you doubt yourself. Because then you’re under control and you buy more useless things.
Or you can choose to shift your focus onto those things that uplift you, help you reach greater awareness, teach you new skills that can be used to do good, and you can forget about the misery-machines.
Someone’s getting in your face, disrespectfully.
Do you have to take it? Hell no.
Example: the rude bastard coworker is yelling about something. You can’t really ignore him, because he’s right in front of you and your chest is burning with indignation and frustration.
But you can walk away until he’s calmed down. You can also wait silently for him to finish, and then respectfully state that the disrespect is not tolerated (this only works if you’ve never disrespected said individual yourself, so be careful). I’ve been doing this for years and it works. If he chooses to continue his mad rant, that’s his choice, and not my problem or responsibility.
You pick the valid information in said mad rant – arrangements, instructions, queries – and discard the rest. Carry out the practicality and lose the rest.
Oh and I can hear the argument – yes but it makes me so angry! It’s not fair! It’s so frustrating.
Sweetheart! I am telling you now that you are choosing to be angry and frustrated. No human being can reach into your body and make you feel something.
You are making you feel it. So stop. Choose to feel something else.
I usually go for amusement. But I’m rather stingy with my emotional currency and I like to spend it on nice things. Anger and hatred are really expensive emotions. It requires a great deal of caring. I’d really rather not. There are so many nicer things to care about.
Disclaimer: this is not a toxic positivity post. The world isn’t going to become beautiful overnight because you posted “live, laugh, love” pictures. The world is a shitshow. Your mind doesn’t have to be one too. Garbage in, garbage out. If you fill up your mind, voluntarily, with negative things and if you open the door to negative things, your world will be crummy.
But if you lift your mind to higher and better things, your world will improve. Your point of view will become brighter, and you’ll be able to spread love and joy and really live, laugh and love.
But you have to choose this, in every moment, at every circumstance, in every event that happens and for every interaction that you have.
But you’ll get the hang of it, just keep going.
I believe in you.
Nova
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