To make sure I’m not just speaking from emotion (though my anger is real), here’s what science actually says about how caretaking dynamics can erode attraction — and how skewed emotional labor can poison intimacy.
- Housework + Dependence = Less Desire
- A solid study by Harris, Gormezano & van Anders found that when women perform a disproportionately large share of household labor, their sexual desire for their male partner drops significantly. PMC+1
- Crucially — this lower desire isn’t just because the work feels unfair. The research identified perceived partner dependence as a key mediator. When women feel like their partner is dependent on them (not just temporarily helped by them), it changes how they view him — not as a lover, but more like a child. PMC
- In other words: the more the labor falls to her, the more she sees him as someone she’s parenting, and that shift kills the polarity. PsyPost - Psychology News
- Fairness Matters — But So Does Role
- The same study also looked at perceived unfairness in the distribution of chores. While unfairness does play a role, the effect on desire is stronger when dependence is felt. PMC
- So it’s not just “this isn’t fair” — it’s “I feel like I’m keeping him on life support.” And that kills romantic energy.
- Masculinity and Sexual Scripts
- Another piece of research (published in Egalitarianism, Housework, and Sexual Frequency) found that when men do what’s considered “feminine” housework (cleaning, childcare), it can shift sexual dynamics. PMC
- According to that study, sexuality and desire in long-term relationships are governed by gender scripts. When men don’t perform “masculine” labor (or don’t hold up in other ways), the traditional dynamic is disrupted — and that can reduce desire in ways people don’t talk about.
- Mental Load Is Real, and It’s Gendered
- A very recent (2025) working paper introduced a new way to measure “mental load” — the invisible, emotional burden of planning, organizing, keeping track of household needs. arXiv
- Their findings: women overwhelmingly carry more of this cognitive labour, and report far higher emotional fatigue than their partners. That burden isn’t just physical — it seeps into how they feel about their relationships and their partners.
- Why It All Matters (Relationship-Wise)
- When women feel like they’re running the emotional, planning, and caretaking operations of a relationship, their role shifts. From lover → manager → parent. That’s not a romantic relationship anymore.
- And when that shift happens, attraction suffers. Because sexual attraction is not just about chemistry — it’s about power, care, respect, interdependence, and the image of the partner as an equal human being, not a child or burden.
How This Research Supports My Campaign Message
- This isn’t just “men whining” — there’s serious psychological and social science backing up the idea that your way of caring for a man can push him into a childlike role.
- It’s not about “don’t care for him.” It’s about how you care. Care doesn’t need to be infantilizing; it needs to be mature, respectful, balanced.
- If someone loses attraction when their man shows vulnerability, if they can’t handle him crying without stepping in to fix, that’s not his failure. That’s a signal she needs to address her own emotional patterns, self-worth, or expectations.
- And most importantly: men deserve care without losing their masculinity. They deserve support without having their agency stripped away.
Misandry & Mankeeping Evidence Dossier (2023–2025) Purpose: Evidence showing cultural and media patterns that can encourage or normalize contempt toward men. Includes major news coverage, opinion framing, social media amplification, and research context. Key Findings: • “Mankeeping” coverage in Vogue, Guardian, Vice, Times, El País often framed in ways that polarize. • Social media amplification normalizes man-hate memes and celebratory contempt. • Tabloid/opinion framing often paints men as a collective burden. • Manosphere reacts by using these as proof society hates men. • Research shows systemic misandry ≠ misogyny, but perception and virality drive attitudes. Sources (URLs from leading publications): 1. Vogue — What Is “Mankeeping”? https://www.vogue.com/article/what-is-mankeeping 2. The Guardian — Mankeeping: Why Single Women Are Giving Up Dating https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jun/16/mankeeping-why-single-women-are-giving-up-d ating 3. Vice — Mankeeping Is Why Women Are Done With Dating https://www.vice.com/en/article/mankeeping-is-why-women-are-done-with-dating/ 4. El País — La carga del “mankeeping” https://elpais.com/estilo-de-vida/2025-07-03/la-carga-del-mankeeping 5. The Times — Mankeeping — Are You Your Husband’s BFF, Therapist and PA? https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/mankeeping-c5qcwk688 6. Independent — How Viral Man-Hating Memes Went Too Far https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/misandry-online-dating-men-heteropessimism-b2823793.html Social Media / Communities: • X/Twitter accounts: @MisandryE (collection of misandrist memes) • Threads/Twitter viral posts mocking “mankeeping” features. • Reddit: r/everydaymisandry — user-collected examples of anti-male memes. Research Context: • Washington Post / APA coverage on mankeeping’s psychological framing and why the term becomes polarizing. • Academic papers note perceived cultural misandry increases online hostility even without systemic evidence.
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