Have you ever heard someone say, it’s not my problem to make sure someone else is validated? Or perhaps it’s argued that people shouldn’t be reliant on others to feel good about themselves.
Wow, I hear that a lot!
You can't need other people to make you feel good.
You shouldn't need other people's validation! You have to be secure!
Don't expect praise for doing something you should've been doing.
And sure, there’s an argument that can be made for that. Being dependent on other people's approval is probably the easiest way to zero your own self-esteem. Because a lot of broken people will, when placed in such a position of power over you (asking for someone else's validation is putting them in a position of power over you) immediately use it to tear you down. And I'm not going to go into the power dynamic now, we'll address that later.
There’s another argument however. If you are secure, and you don’t need the validation and the approval of others; if you are whole and healed and unburdened by past traumas – then you are in a better position than most. That means you can take harder knocks, you can deal with deeper and grittier problems, you have a stronger heart and mind. (And you're less likely to break other's down to feel good about yourself)
That is fantastic. If you're one them, good job! It's taken me two and a half years of hard work, serious introspection and unlearning many toxic behaviours and facing myself over and over to reach this point.
Here comes the kicker: if you are stronger, then the burden of responsibility is yours. If you can take the weight of someone’s pain, when they can’t, you should. Because you can carry it without buckling.
Listen : If you can be kind to someone who is broken and in pain, even when they snap and snarl at you – then it is your responsibility, because you can do it. So you should do it. Not for credit, not for a round of applause or for gratitude. But because it is the right thing to do.
Equality doesn’t mean each person does exactly the same thing. Equality should mean each person does what they are physically, emotionally and mentally able to.
Disclaimer: I am not speaking about the lazy slackers who want to sit around and be pitied. My advice for you is to get up off the couch and go do something selfless for someone else. I am talking about the suicidal man who still shows up for work. I'm talking about the trauma-survivor who forces himself to show up and keep going when his panic levels are at critical. I'm talking about the girl who was beaten and abused and is struggling with self-doubt but is fighting to get better and help others.
If today all you have is 40%, and you gave that 40%, you still gave it all. If you only have a fraction of mine, I can lend you some. Because I am at 100% and I believe that it is a privilege.
For those of us privileged to be able to give 100%, we owe it to those who can’t. We owe it to them to carry some of the slack, some of their pain, some of their fears. All of us are to blame for the shape of the world today - and it is all of our responsibility to make it better.
@ironicnotion
#MentalHealthMatters
#Responsibility
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