This is one of my favourite analogies for mental health and coping skills.
Each of us is born with a metaphorical toolbox. Some of us get big shiny toolboxes with lots of drawers and cabinets, filled with gleaming tools.
I've met a few people like this. They are amazing. You can't imagine that a human being can be that pure. They're usually from privileged households and wealthy, but so kind and generous and just genuinely good people.
Some of us have a plastic toolbox with a slightly skew tray and the toolset inside is missing a few pieces and some of them are slightly bent or chipped. I think this is where most of us are. Your parents tried their best but no-one's perfect.
Some of us just have an old chipped and cracked ice cream tub with a missing lid, and a single screwdriver, a hammer and a socket set missing most of the sockets.
And these are the tools we are supposed to use to get through Life. You can get more tools, by learning new things, or you can buy them with Experience. Those are usually very expensive, but very valuable. (Most of mine were bought with Experience. Pricey. But I'm so proud of them.)
Side note: It always helps if you actually open the toolbox and use some of the tools, instead of sitting in a corner crying because you didn't get your way.
This is the difference between a heavily suicidal man still getting up and going to work and fighting to keep composure the whole day (he has barely any tools but he's still fighting) and the entitled madam who sits back, waits for her inheritance to be paid out, wants everyone to do everything for her and doesn't lift a finger to improve her own circumstances.
Sometimes you can even borrow a tool from someone. Those are usually a little harder to use because it’s not yours and you don’t quite know how to hold it, so you might drop it a few times but once you get used to it you can even make a copy of that tool for your own toolbox. My mom used to tell me, I don't have to make all the mistakes myself, I can learn from hers. <THIS IS VERY GOOD ADVICE>
No-one is born with all the coping skills and sometimes you don't even know where to start, the psychologists are expensive and the Internet is overwhelming. You can borrow them from a friend. Last night I shared my unique tip for dealing with overthinking with my fiance. It's not always easy to learn from someone else, because you need to retrain your brain and it'll be tricky at the start. But you can do it.
If you’re struggling today, just remember. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have.
If you don’t have the right tools for the job, the job will be harder. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure and it doesn’t mean you’re doing everything wrong. It doesn't mean it's always going to be hard. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
Sometimes all you can do, is the best you can with the tools you have.
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