When I was unawakened, I used to attract people with narcissistic tendencies. Looking back, my identity included being an empath, and as we all know, empaths and narcissists are a famous duo, especially in romantic relationships. Being in a narcissistic friendship was very painful, particularly in my younger years when I lacked self-awareness and knowledge. On top of that, being an empath made it one of the most painful experiences one can go through in that mindset.
- The reason it's so painful is that, first and foremost, you have no idea what's going on.
- The narcissist is a manipulator, making you feel like you're the problem, exacerbating your low self-worth.
- You're constantly reminded that you're not enough, and the narcissist will always try to reflect that you are less than them and others, making you feel incompetent, undeserving, unworthy, and lacking.
- Narcissists thrive by putting others down because, for them, it's them versus the world.
- If you're in their close proximity, they will treat you as the other, as something to be played with.
- There's no such thing as "us" when dealing with narcissists; it's always you versus them.
- They always want to make sure they are right, and you cannot win.
- Every day is a game, and nothing is about love, care, respect, or having a trusted relationship.
- It's all about what they can get from you and how you can benefit them while always being less than them so they feel empowered.
Unfortunately, that is what I experienced in my life.
Being young, naive, and not knowing much about myself or how the world works, I didn't even know that people with bad intentions existed. I was so innocent that I didn't believe people could be bad or have bad intentions. I thought everyone was innocent because I grew up in a sheltered household without much exposure to the real world. Therefore, everything was new to me, and I didn't know what to expect from people. On top of that, being an empath, I ended up having these people as friends. While not all my friends were narcissists, I can definitely remember quite a few. I am not a psychotherapist, but from my understanding and experience, I can see the hard narcissistic traits.
I'm sharing this because if you're in a position where you feel something is wrong with your relationship, but you can't pinpoint it, it's likely because these people are so good at manipulating and gaslighting you. They make you think you're the problem or that no problem exists; it's all your imagination. They will use you until you wake up and realize you deserve much better. Until that happens, the pain is unavoidable because the narcissist will always be playing games.
The moment you try to avoid them, they feel like they're losing, so they'll reach back out with love bombing. If you're familiar with toxic relationships or narcissists, you'll know this term. Love bombing involves showering you with excessive love and attention, often using the five love languages—gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. This makes you feel special and leads you to believe they genuinely care for you. However, they're just arming themselves with information to use against you later. Once the love bombing season is over, the cycle of discard begins. They suddenly stop caring, making you question what you did wrong, further manipulating you into seeking their approval.
Eventually, they gain power over you as you start doing what they want, trying to impress them, and becoming dependent on their validation. They thrive on this control, making you their personal counselor or therapist while never respecting you or making the relationship mutual. It's all about keeping you in your place while they remain the center of attention. Challenging them leads to emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and playing the victim, making it hard to escape their grip. They may even copy everything you do if they are jealous, trying to outdo you. Their desire for attention, status, and luxury is driven by a fear of inadequacy, leading them to overcompensate and create a grandiose persona.
Dealing with such a person is incredibly frustrating and painful. They don't allow you to get away easily, often trying to win you back just to discard you again. Sometimes, the best way to deal with a close narcissist is to let them believe they have won. Personally, I've had to pretend I have nothing to offer to escape their manipulation. In reality, nobody is better than anyone else; we all have our own ups and downs. However, it's essential to recognize and protect yourself from such toxic dynamics. The best way to deal with this is to avoid them by making them think they have won, that they think that you are of no use to them. Then they will leave you alone. This stops the cycle of manipulation, gaslighting and love bombing. Then, focusing on yourself and healing the part of you that initially attracted the people with this pattern is essential. You then start owning yourself and become an awakened empath.
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