Years ago, I would not have believed that I would be this person that I am now.
Years ago, I remember feeling so insecure
feeling so low, no confidence at all
I believed that is who I was
I had no control in my environment'
I did not lead my life
I did not take charge
I did not make things happen
instead
I made the quote my life motto
it is what it is
I felt comfort in the confirmation that I indeed didn't need to lead my life
Yes, I was one of those people who felt like life is happening to them and I was the bystander
I was the watcher as life happened by me and pass me by in a sense
I felt out of control
meaning I let others control me
because it doesn't go any other way
you either rule your mind your it will rule you
you either have your own intent or you will fulfil other's intent
When you don't have as much control in your life
you become victim to what is around you
in fact, what is worse is that, with this attitude, you will miss a lot of opportunities
because you saying, 'it is what it is' is like saying ' ill accept anything that comes my way, including the bare minimum
THIS. THIS is what got me.
I let myself be the bystander
and I let myself get the bare minimum
to the point that I believed it was my destiny
I felt like deep down this is just who I was
I was someone who didn't care about life's good offerings
I believed it was genuinely selfish to think about what I wanted
Infact, when you have neglected your own needs for long, you become desensitized
you become numb, you feel like you don't even know what you want out of life or what you need to be happy
when you are that much outward focused, you don't care about your needs
you always prioritize others in order to get the confirmation that you are not a selfish person
So basically, I was so lost and I did not even know it
Until I woke up
Until I realized that I am not even leading my life
What started this for me was hitting rock bottom
When things changed around me and started crumblng
when the outside world that I depended on so much started to shift and change
Then I began to question who I am
and why this is happeneing
I began to ask, who am I without these external things that I solely depended on
I did not have an identity
I was a 'go with the flow person'
I don't know anything about myself that I can proudly rely on
I felt empty, I felt like no one or no thing
I felt like I couldn't define myself without outside refence
I was a lost soul
This realization Is what led me to inquire about what is going on forme
and thanks to the Internet I found answers
there were people like me who were sharing their experiences in detail
of how they felt the same and had the same situations in their lives
As I dig deeper, I found that there were so many things I was not aware of about myself
I realized that things were deeper that what they appeared to be
I realized that my self worth, my core identity, my trauma, my coping mechanisms, my habits, my self (identity), etc , almost all go back to my childhood
All things began at the root and that I have come this way not knowing exactly who I was or what I was doing, I WAS POWERLESS in my own life
But once I kept on with this self inquiry, I began to get empowered
I began to take my power back that was unconsciously scattered everywhere with not much left for me
The more power I got over my life, the more I utilized that power to even go deeper into who I was or into figuring out who I was
This led me to embark on the journey of tramsformation
I of course realized and decided that I indeed, or the self that I had, or my no-idnetity identity needed to change
I needed to return back into my true self
I needed to be empowered in my own life
I consciously or unconsciously removed things that were energy depleting
slowly
one by one, things began to shift for me
And looking back now, a lot happened through these years of transformation
a lot of it wasn't roses and
it was embracing al to of pain that I avoided for years
it took getting back to a self that I didn't even know
getting to know me is still a process
but I am so happy with the results now
I now have the energy to stand tall in my own skin
I now have the confidence to be me and to know me
I now have the courage to stand in the world as myself
I now have a lot of self awareness that guides my every move
I now have focus that takes to do things
I now have the disciple (still work in progress but a lot of progress already made)
I now have the consistency in my own life
I now have the belief to go after what I want
I now have the audacity to show up as myself
I now have everything because most importantly, I feel connected to my soul, my true self and essentially to God who is also within me, guiding me and helping me through this journey.
The willingness to learn, the willingness to look at ourselves, and the willingness to change and transform will bring us so much even beyond our imagination.
We can be the person beyond we imagined we could be. We could surpass all the limits that were keeping us in place and become extraordinary.
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