Recently I have been thinking about pebbles, linking to our thoughts beliefs and emotions…. keep with me! I think the thoughts or inspiration must have started with a photo that I stuck to my vision board that I created a couple of weeks ago. As soon as I saw the image, I knew it was going on to my vision board and it made the final cut too, I had been drawn to a lot of photos within the vision board process!
The pebbles are the symbols of our thoughts, our emotions.
Picture yourself walking along a lovely beach or in the forest, with your bag on, exploring the different people and things you see, breathing in the fresh air. Everything is peaceful. Changing each time you visit.
You are drawn to the pebbles, the rocks that you notice along your path and you start to collect them each time you go. You pick them up, some you admire and put back down, you forget about them but some you are drawn to keep, you want to hold on to them, they make you feel safe. They are all you have to remember of that day or holiday or part of your life. So you put them in your bag, keep them safe and they are going to stay with you all the time.
Your bag gets heavier and heavier, the more you pick up, the further you walk, the more you collect. Each time you walk, you collect more and more.
Now imagine the pebbles are your emotions, beliefs and thoughts but all the negative ones weigh more than the positive ones, they are a bit awkward and take up more room. The positive emotions are light, they are easy to keep.
As we grow up, we have to show that we are strong, resilient, hard working and not selfish. So you only want the weight of the negative heavy pebbles, they show people what you can do, what you can carry, the awkward things, that your work hard, you deserve because you are carrying the biggest load, that you are strong, you can overcome anything, you are resilient and that you can hold everything yourself.
The more negative pebbles you pick up, the heavier your bag is becoming but you are drawn to the negative pebbles now, they are who you are, they are your identity, they show that you are strong, resilient remember. You look at other peoples bags of pebbles and they look heavier, bigger and they are managing, so you should be able to, that’s what you keep telling yourself. You can’t start saying you bag is heavy when look at theirs, you can’t complain, look at the load they have to carry.
Your bag is starting to get really heavy now but your not going to let that bother you, you ignore it and carry on carrying it, it’s want you are meant to do. Keep going. Don’t ask for help or say you are struggling.
You are now feeling tired but even when you sleep you keep the bag with you, the weight, the size of your negative pebbles stay with you. You can’t sleep because it’s uncomfortable but you keep that bag, those heavy, uncomfortable but comfortable pebbles. Each day you get up, you don’t feel refreshed, you feel heavy, heavy with the weight of the bag. However, you carry on and keep the bag with you, you don’t think it’s the bag that’s causing the problems, it must be you, it must be something you are doing wrong. Everyone else looks like they are coping, so should you.
You start to look around you and everything seems hard work, the harder the work, the more tired you become but we are meant to work hard, you tell yourself, I just can’t be any good at it. You are aching all over, start to feel weak and you seem o be picking up lots of different bugs. It’s such a struggle now. You start blaming yourself, you just aren’t as strong anymore, what a failure, you should be able to carry that bag, you have done it for all those years, why are you struggling now?
Now you are feeling like you can’t be bothered, everything is hard work and no one understands how you are feeling. You won’t let go of your bag though, it’s your safety, you feel safe when you have that bag, heavy with the pebbles. The only thing you are good at is holding the bag, you aren’t giving that up too!
You drag that bag everywhere with you now, it feels like a drag, people are offering to help you with it, they can see it’s causing you problems, they can see it is very heavy but you can’t accept their help, that would mean giving in. That would mean that you aren’t strong enough, that would mean you are not you if you are not carrying this bag with you.
You stop doing all the things you love, you are too tired. You stop seeing people because you are tied and you don’t want to see them, they will notice your struggle and judge.
You visit the doctor because you can’t understand why you are soo tired, of course took your bag with you but you never explained how heavy the bag is, you can’t feel how heavy the bag is now, you have just got so use to it.
They start to run some tests, to find out what is happening for you, you drag your bag along. They all come back clear, you can’t understand and just blame yourself.
One day you sit down at a bench and a stranger asks you about your bag, they don’t offer to carry it, they just ask you to tell them what’s in it. They ask you to tell them about the pebbles, when you got them and why? You start to remove the pebbles from the bag and speak about each one. You question yourself as to why you are keeping them, as you lay them out in front of you, talking about them, you notice that your bag starts to feel a bit lighter, you feel a bit lighter.
You return to that bench a few times, each time you speak to the stranger about your pebbles, you get them out and you start to leave them. You don’t need them anymore, each time you do, you feel lighter and brighter.
You have more energy, you start doing things that you love again. You are feeling more like yourself, in fact, better!! You feel free, your not carrying the weight of that bag anymore.
You still carry a few pebbles around with you, they are deep in your bag and will eventually want to come out, it’s a slow process but you are moving forward. They are still keeping you safe. The long-term aim is to longer carry the bag!