Flirting: Co-Creating Expectations

Every couple does flirting differently for a host of different reasons, so there are many different expectations out there and couples often neglect to talk about this until there is a problem.

While we first worry about an affair, there are many other things that can go wrong with flirting and people have massive blindspots.

Instead of guessing or mind-reading, let your partner know what you expect and prefer and why.

These are not demands, they are co created boundaries for a win-win and buy in.

A boundary is what behavior I will accept and what behavior I will not tolerate. Since I cannot control any one else’s behavior, if you do this, I will respond in a certain way. A boundary is clearly communicated. Here is an example, “When I saw that they were flirting with you and you did not shut it down, I was shocked and embarrassed. I was concerned about how to read that and so I asked first. If that happens again, I will need to take some space and time away from you to re-evaluate my willingness to invest in this. I cannot control your behavior, I can let you know how your behavior lands and what my next move is. My move is contingent upon your response to flirting. Any questions?”

Here is a Case example with multiple examples and ideas/perspectives. It is gendered and based on a real couple, with a few other examples from another couple, so it is a composite. The couple gave permission to use their pain to help other people prevent their mistakes.

(53 pages)