Protecting the Relationship

This is a wonderful collection of articles that help you look at the relationship and protect it in ways that the relationship cannot protect itself.

I have mostly male clients who tell me stories and then I create something for them. My client told me that he feels protective of her and the relationship and doesn’t believe that is reciprocated. Included in these first 43 pages: I have created a 100 Point Relationship Protection Checklist.

There is a section on Relationship Blindspots, a section that has questions to make the unconscious blindspots more conscious, what areas deserve the most protective energy, a section to make the questions come to life between the couple…

I told him, “Here is a clear, penetrating, emotionally safe set of questions you can both use — plus a second list of what you already do to protect the relationship, so you’re not starting from a deficit frame.

Some couples have a notebook where they write their answers and then share them or the ones they want to share with the partner.

These are designed to illuminate blind spots, reduce over-functioning, and bring both of you into the same strategic posture: protect the relationship first, so the relationship can protect us.”

Breaking the Pattern (conflict) in your relationship. Imagine being confident that no matter what life throws at you, the two of you can get through it successfully. Break the pattern of conflict and watch how profoundly that protects the relationship itself.

After that is the 30 day guideline/ exercises for Reducing Complaining and Criticizing - a common pet peeve in relationships.

The Nervous System writing deals with how to protect the relationship when conflict is present. Conflict can be helpful and it can be destructive, the choice is yours. Try these and watch how much easier it is to have those awkward conversations.

When you are out of synch, do you know how to attune to one another? That is highly protective of your relationship.

When you are not sleeping well, how does your relationship respond? How do you protect your relationship and get the rest you need?

Make sure you know how to talk about sex and preferences, desires, frequency and thoughts- how to initiate and how to prepare for the more challenging conversations.