The Difference Between Being a Partner and Companion

Repeatedly, couples ask me why the relationship is not working and when we dig a little deeper, each person is experiencing the relationship differently. Imagine raising kids like that. Imagine feeling like you are at your partner's beck and call as opposed to being in the inner circle and privy to all the information, making decisions together from the get go. Imagine being a partner but not getting your partner to be fully present and not knowing how to articulate what you need and want. And lastly, imagine that you are doing more than is necessary, for whatever reason. These are all things that, if talked about, will benefit the relationship. If ignored, could hurt the relationship.

One feels like they are doing more work than the other. The other wonders why they are doing all that work if it is working just fine. That dynamic often reveals that they are not in the same relationship.

Often, one partner sees the other as a partner, with all the expectations, obligations and privileges. The other is experiencing it as a wonderful companionship with that particular set of rules. (I have another product on Payhip that addresses that more in-depth)

That set of contrasts captures something precise and painful — the felt difference between being in someone’s inner circle and standing nearby as a guest.

Part II

This part is about redefining it and has some models for discussion, so you are not recreating the wheel.

I present to you a short 5 page reflective essay and prompt sequence called The Difference Between Being a Partner and Being a Companion

And another series of essays that ask if I can truly get to know you and have you be fully present, because I want to know all of you.



The part dealing with overfunctioning asks about whose responsibility it is- as partners, do we share responsibility?