I used to think the only thing stronger than a Labrador’s tail was his optimism.
Enter: Iguaçu Falls, a 1.7-mile wall of angry water that literally straddles two countries just to make a point.
My point? Never challenge a waterfall to a bath-off.
Frame 1 – The Aerial
The drone went up, my jaw went down. From the sky Iguaçu looks like Mother Nature spilled her glitter palette—turquoise water, neon rainbow, Instagram’s dream backdrop. I could already hear the “awww” comments. Max, however, heard one thing only: “World’s biggest bath? Hold my leash.”
Frame 2 – The Swagger
Tail rotor engaged, tongue deployed. Max trotted onto the viewing deck like he owned the place, giving zero barks about the “Caution: Slippery” signs. I swear the boing sound effect played in real life; his butt wiggle had its own theme song.
Frame 3 – The Betrayal
One micro-gust later, a vertical sheet of spray rose up, Matrix-style, and slapped him right on the snout. Imagine a fire-hose filled with Skittles—that’s the rainbow that sucker-punched my dog. Record-scratch moment? Absolutely. Dignity? Deleted.
Frame 4 – The Swarovski Shake
Labradors are equipped with a factory-installed reset button: the head-shake. At 240 fps every droplet turned into a floating diamond, a canine Tiffany commercial—except the only thing on sale was his pride. Caption writers wanted: “Bath = Betrayal.”
Frame 5 – The Dumbo Drift
Ever seen a 70-pound dog try to moonwalk on wet wood? Ears out, paws skittering, zero traction, full cartoon soundtrack. I checked the physics textbook—there is no coefficient of friction for panic.
Frame 6 – The Mom Shield
Survival instinct: hide behind the nearest human, preferably the one who feeds you. Max wedged his soaking body between my ankles, peek-a-boo eyes begging for an invisibility cloak. “Mom, it’s raining sideways!” Yes, baby, and the sky just picked a fight with you.
Frame 7 – The Mullet POV
Dry face, soaked body—business up top, tsunami below. My hand patted his head like a crisis hotline operator while the camera tilt revealed the true casualty: his ego. Cue sad trombone; even the pixels felt damp.
Frame 8 – The Side-Eye Contract
Final close-up: one amber eye staring straight into my lens, into my soul, into every future bathtub I might dare to run. A single head-shake signed the treaty: “Never. Again.”
Frame 9 – The Aftermath
Back home in Cali we gave him a kiddie pool the size of a donut. He sat in it—sunglasses, inflatable ring, cardboard sign: “ANTI-BATH LEAGUE – SIGN-UP CLOSED.” The rainbow sticker on my leg still hasn’t dried.
TL;DR
Iguaçu Falls taught my Labrador that water can, in fact, be aggressive. Max taught me that pride dries faster than fur, but memes last forever.
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