his book is a few hundred dollars. It is a book much better to read fully than to summarize but I did not have the equipment to OCR, and I doubt the demand is there.
The primary objective to overcoming barriers and bending individuals to your will is to Get. Them. Talking.
Culturally, individuals are inclined to not want to bother acquaintances or strangers, or quote soft-hearts. These cautious subjects may be otherwise socially functional adults. Hard-hearts view people as opportunities for advancement. Hard hearts do not use people and discard them necessarily, they also keep them around. Soft hearts walk on eggshells. In high social circles, people who do not like each other often still talk to each other. If you’re feeling daring, avoid the obstinate. At a cocktail party, don’t drink cocktails, nor coffee on a coffee break. Use it as an opportunity to advance.
People care about your appearance. Your appearance is the national anthem, your actions and output are the ballgame.
If you’re a suit person, make it a nice suit. If you’re a t-shirt person, be a nice t-shirt person.
Be prepped – if it is an extremely important guest make a list of possible questions – you don’t need to use all or even any of them. If you do not care about this person and they do not care either, just go with the flow and have a drink with them. Might as well. Store one individual nugget about this person and keep it. Another opportunity is when you hear someone talking about someone, do not be afraid to say “so and so told me you like fishing.” Secondarily, be specific – he likes deep sea fishing in the Gulf. Go one more over the basic. Read the news headlines for a second if you’re going to a large social occasion.
Take another step, and go to Hey to C. Looking at a nice view with your host? That’s a nice view is A to B. That is a view (A) it is nice (B).
In contrast: “I think you own everything down there” or when referring to car lights below… “Red rubies going that way and white diamonds coming towards us.”
Here are a few tidbits regarding general don’ts:
Don’t expect more than a slight edge when you woo those in power. If your credit is bad, they still will not give you a loan.
Don’t tell dirty jokes, even to people who tell dirty jokes. An intimidator won’t appreciate that. If it’s a good one, they will re-tell it (and not credit you).
Do not ask what a person’s occupation is. How do you spend your time these days?
Don’t hesitate to help a conversationalist in need. The Coast guard does not evaluate the moral character ofa person drowning.
Don’t start a sentence of which you do not know the end.
Do not assume Clark Kent is the only person that wears street clothes, or in this case a suit or dress. If Clark Kent does not acknowledge or need you for any reason, be confident in your own accomplishments, or be “plugged into your own socket
A person going through personal turmoil may not be missing an arm, they may have just undergone bankruptcy, or divorce. It’s why what do you do and where’s your better half are weaker inquiries.
Do use quote Look at you questions – not look at me questions. The questions should have you involvement, not a rattling off of facts on the topic of historical significance.
Use the prefatory statement “I need your advice” in a power differential . Asking for advice is one pull of the engine cord, it may not work the first time or for this person.
Story interrupted? “Now then… back to your story” (with bullet points if you remember them) “As I was telling you…:
Sophisticated people take risks in small talk, and don’t avoid the possible awkwardness it procures In conversation, you may be passing the ball to someone who does not know how to run. If someone says “Greg’s a master of real estate”, you can repeat the word real estate for time. One example is “I have been thinking a lot about real estate lately. I bet you know all about it”. Elicit expertise, and ask for advice. Be general when talking to doctors lawyers scientists – no specific individual advice. Put your subject of conversation on the evening news: even respected judges are rarely queried for their opinions on matters by the media or populace at large.
Even when there is no power differential, you can still seek advice. They are the university, you are the applicant.
Filling silence with talk is a rather unique attribute of our species. While only one best actor award exists per year, every has got to be someone. The regular Joe fills silence with the way lightning strikes the nearest object, it just does so without much profound impetus. Use hyperbole to describe someone and seemingly florid language if they earned it like… this sanitation engineer sparkles streets across Texas. Background, attributes, capabilities – what is this person secretly proud of?
Stroke the ego of multi-dimensionality, multi-dimensional people want to be acknowledge for their diversity. “I’m interested. Tell me more.” Always feign being impressed at proclamations of grandeur, because it is better to acknowledge something someone is beaming because letting them twist in the wind is much worse.
Craft more appealing ways to say things. Simplistically, instead of this thunderstorm is bad “wind is really whipping around out there, the trees are protesting mightily and the lightning is really dancing around the dark sky.”
Very few people have had an original thought. Do not be afraid to take from better minds than you, you would be surprised how few traditional people call you out for stealing. One or two snobs do care if you did not write it, and few care if you stole it. So to appease that small latter minority you can just give credit to the original writer.
A few quick quotes and aphorisms:
Most people are on your side, just with varying levels of investment, frequently little.
Politics is a relatively accurate reflection of life, not a perversion of it.
You can make your own clichés pretty easily. Riff off of “happy as a lark” but never happy as a lark.
Do no harm in conversation. Do no harm. Wouldn’t it be dumb to ask the President “What’s new?” or “What do you do?”
Feel the strength of going through life without putting anyone down. You never meet a person you can’t compliment to their face, even though it may take great strain. Put downs are fleeting amusement for the crowd, being generous and kind and interested may prove to be more enduring.
If you feel the need to hurt someone, at least do not do it by accident.
If you get along with someone naturally using these techniques, you may never need to ask a favor of them. They might just do it for you.
Ingratiate those who are equals even. He who needs the warmth must fan the flame.
Try focusing on ideas people hate most, and procrastinate on the most, because they are scared of failure.
When talking to an Intimidator, or a person who prides themselves on being intimidating: I don’t know much about that other than x. Could you school me? Forgive me, but I am fascinated by that. Tibetan shepherds do not threaten or challenge the Dalhi Lama, they can be happy or proud just being on the same mountain.
The feelings elicited by you speaking are more important the meaning of your words. Life is not a poll about issues, it is a popularity contest.
Compliments should be brief, credible and specific.
Identify the purpose of your talk. If you have hit a home run in conversation – remember the point is to touch home plate so you get the run.
America is one of the few places you can approach the throne; where in the right setting you can briefly speak to a King – a titan of a particular industry.
An addendum about women:
Women do not like it when you try hard (to impress them). A modern woman feels she can achieve on her own.
With women, you are guilty until proven innocent.
Those who tweak a little can get rich, by putting a wrinkle in their personality. Doubly so if you are attractive.
You may be disliked so intensely upon sight no amount of conversation will help.
During introduction - talk about acting and painting if they are actors and painters, not THEIR SPECIFIC acting and painting.
You’re from x, do you know so and so – is a low yield question. That is a good way of framing a question however, when you know the person knows that other person.
Show romantic intent by showing an aperture of intimacy.
Like someone’s line of work or hobbies, one can do cool talk about hot things. “Now I would never inject such discussion with a lovely lady such as yourself but say a man was passing by…” or “What’s the best pickup line you have ever heard?”
Opener to people watching – “You’re just in time to watch a silent movie with me…”
Most talk beats no talk, but most generic talk is simply fast food, while wrinkled speech is a four course meal.
Get on the side where a girl is holding something, she may be into you if she switches up the item, a subconscious indicator of interest.